contradictions

I have been doing all kinds of things lately that make me wonder if something isn't better with my body, (although I don't feel any better...) like canning apple butter and applesauce, baking banana bread, etc.

I don't know if this is because I actually have more energy, or if I am just excited about Fall.

I still wake up every morning and pray for the strength and desire to get out of bed. And so far, with every prayer for God to get me out of bed, my feet have hit the floor. My body still hurts, recently adding new and different ways of hurting. My brain is still fuzzy, sometimes to the point that I can't concentrate enough to work or study. Sometimes I worry that I won't get my sermon written, or material read and prepared for Sunday School or my Tuesday night Bible study. I worry about not visiting people who need it, or forgetting to do something important--even if I've written it down.

So, I don't feel like I am getting better, but I have done all kinds of things requiring all kinds of energy! I don't know how to unravel these contradictions. Perhaps it is simply the change of seasons, or maybe something bigger like God's grace giving me strength to do things that bring me joy and give me opportunity to work and play with my husband as we store up something yummy to feed our family.